We all have to face them from time to time, both in our professional and personal lives - those conversations that have us waking up in the middle of the night anticipating the worst; or indeed those post-conversation playback loops when we think, ‘I wish I’d said’, or ‘if only I had remembered X, Y and Z…’; so how do you set yourself up for success?
Prepare
Particularly as managers or people leaders, we often know when a ‘difficult’ conversation needs to be held. It might be addressing a performance issue, letting someone know they didn’t get a promotion or giving some feedback about an employee’s behaviour.
When you know it’s coming, give yourself some time and space to think about what you need to say. Perhaps have a practice run with someone that you trust to help you anticipate where you might encounter problems. You don’t need to write a script (as that will sound horribly stilted), but being clear on what you need to say so that you aren’t rushed and so that you don’t waffle or duck the issue/s will help make sure you are clear in your message.
Be Honest
You don’t need to be brutal, but be honest about whatever the issue is. Blaming someone else for a decision, or offering ready-made reasons to excuse a behavioural issue will only mean the matter will fester and will more likely happen again.
Be objective, not personal, but be clear about whatever has gone wrong and what needs to change and your conversation will be even more productive. If you are giving feedback, the simple SODA model (taken from the Game Changer card set for Effective Communication) will help give you a framework:
S – Seek… the views of the other person. What did they think themselves? As adult humans we often know ourselves if something hasn’t gone to plan and as a manager this can help give you a runway into the conversation.
O – Observation… what behaviour or situation did you see or hear? As an example, if your team member was openly (and inappropriately) critical of another member of the team on a Zoom call, let them know and do it as soon as you can before memories start to fade.
D – Direction… Discuss the impact of the observation. In our example above, did it feel awkward and uncomfortable to you and others? Is it conduct that is unacceptable to you and the company and will it also damage the team member’s own credibility?
A – Action… What is the way forward? What is your team member going to commit to in the future so that the issue isn’t repeated?
Review
Follow-up with your team member to make sure that any outstanding issues have been resolved, any agreed actions are being observed so that you can move forward with your relationship intact. At the same time, give yourself space to review how the conversation went without beating yourself up. If there are things you could have done better, make a note of them for next time… difficult conversations often provide great learning opportunities!
If you have a line manager, coach, mentor, peer or other trusted confidante, use them as a sounding board to debrief. Not only will this help you gain perspective; but they may also have some additional observations or constructive challenges to offer that will help you be even more successful or confident next time.
We love a conversation and a virtual coffee (with cake!) here at Mosaic; if this blog resonates and we can help with any current challenges you are experiencing; or you have any feedback for us on this blog, please do get in touch – hello@mosaicpeople.co.uk